Holiness in the Home - Our Greatest Challenge (16)

Colossians 3:18, 19 (NKJ)

Gordon E. Johnson
Rio Grande Bible Institute

Bishop H.C. G. Moule, one of my favorite Bible expositors, declares "For on the one hand the Christian Home is truly 'the masterpiece of the applied Gospel'; the scene of the loveliest manifestations of its spirit, and then also the source or reservoir, out of which its noblest influence is to flow around. On the other hand, the Home is the place of all others where it is most easy for us forgetful sinners NOT to live in the full light of the Gospel." (H.C. G. Moule, Colossian and Philemon Studies - Lessons in Faith and Holiness, p.232).

Paul shows a profound concern with the family relationships that God ordained from creation itself for the blessing of his own. The Prison Epistles: Ephesians, Philippians, Colossian and Philemon address this concern at various levels. In Ephesians he devotes the most attention (Eph. 5:18-6:9 – 25 verses) and Colossians should be read in that light.

In Colossians his treatment is very brief to wives, husbands and children, more extensive for servants.  Probably the reason for this is because of the difficulty of Philemon, a Colossian master, whose slave, Onesimus, defrauded him. Onesimus had become a convert under Paul in prison and Paul wanted to welcome him into God's family.

We must not be deceived by the brevity of Paul's treatment. His whole epistle of our union with Christ (Col. 1:9-14) provides the resources for a life of victory over sin in the home: circumcised, buried, raised (Col. 2:11-15) and hid with Christ in God (Col. 3:1-4). Now as the elect of God we have put on "tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness and longsuffering" (Col. 3:12-16). These are veritable passports to a marriage for which no further counsel is really needed.

We must begin at the beginning to be assured of a God-blessed marriage.  The final word is: DON'T marry an unbeliever, whatever the promise of improvement that may be made.  Paul answers it: "You cannot drink of the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons; you cannot partake of the Lord's Table and of the table of demons" (1 Cor. 10: 21). "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?" (2 Cor. 6:14, 15). To begin such an intimate relationship in disobedience to the Word of God is to guarantee sorrow.  I have said so often to my students: what begins badly ends badly. Only the sheer grace of God could alter that inexorable law.

Now in the light of the entire preceding context – read it again – Paul simply says: "Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord." (3:18) Far too much has been said of this as the simplistic answer to marriage today. Bishop Moule, an unparalleled Greek scholar of his day, paraphrases the text: "Wives, be loyal to your husbands." His notes: "Be loyal, as best, perhaps representing the idea of submission which is absolutely different from service (army - addition mine), and yet is the recognition of a God-appointed leadership." (Moule, pp.235, 36).

Bishop Moule makes the point several times that God never gave man "the right divine to govern wrong." Well said.  That headship is sanctified by the analogy of the Trinity.  "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman (is) man, and the head of Christ is God" (1 Cor. 11:3).  If you can imagine division in the Trinity, you can measure the mutuality of the relationships.

Paul appears to give simple sweeping statements that are imposed arbitrarily on all marriages. His topic is vital, but he speaks of divine principles in play on the basis of our mutual spiritual union in Christ (Gal.3: 28, 29). To put on tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, etc. (3:12, 16) is taken for granted as obeyed, equally by wife and husband. Such obedience is taken for granted. Paul is not talking here about an unequally yoked marriage of a believer with an unbeliever. God's principles for marriage apply in general, but other passages are more relevant to the exceptions that may exist. (1 Cor.7:1-16; 1 Peter 3:1-6).

Paul's interest here is not to discuss the exceptions that may obtain. He states the broad fact of a marriage between two believers with equal access to the grace of God and both availing themselves of it.  Less than that marriage norm can expect far greater danger and distress.

Paul now addresses the husband succinctly: "Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them" (3:19).  Just as he enjoins the wife to be loyal, her greatest challenge, now he enjoins the husband to love and not embitter the wife. So often he may make harsh and insensitive demands from a position of supposed authority granted, just because he is a male by human accident.

Ephesians enlarges on the role of the husband, a far more challenging and demanding role than ever is assigned to the wife: love as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it. (Eph.5: 25-29).  The husband is now faced with a divine norm that he cannot achieve in himself. Such failure so to love should produce the humility and lowliness of mind that transform the headship role into a humbling challenge that produces a true God honoring marriage.  When our children see such love in action, they will desire to be like Dad.

Let me observe that the home life of many believers, yes, even of Christian workers, falls far short of these norms.  There is selfishness, withdrawal, deprivation of the marital dues, verbal and sexual abuse, so often hidden behind pious Sunday behavior. Little wonder that our children, often pastors' children, are often rebellious. They cannot live with hypocrisy and not reject it.

If holy living is at all possible, it must begin at home, the most difficult place, our sanctum of life; holiness must change our home life and conduct.

Paul says no word about the rights of the wife, or equally the rights of the husband to govern wrong. Marriage is mutual submission. (Eph. 5:21) Paul assumes as the compelling need for wives to be loyal and for husbands to love with the gentleness that becomes the savior of the wife, as Christ is of the church which he purchased with his own blood. (Eph. 5: 22-32).  All I can say is: God help us so to live and love.

Gordon E. Johnson
Rio Grande Bible Institute
November 1, 2006